A year of living charitably

How difficult is it to do a little something helpful now and again? Is it really that tough to pick up an errant piece of trash and dispose of it properly? Does it really cramp our style to hold the door open for someone? To improve someone's day by offering a simple smile?

In this age of jam-packed schedules, never-ending technological distractions, and rush-rush-rush attitudes, are we really so busy that we can't lend a hand now and again?

I confess I get distracted, busy, and just plain grumpy, but it really isn't difficult to help out, and it doesn't have to take a lot of time to be neighborly, to help make our communities better places to live, to help the people around us feel better about themselves and the world in which we're living.

Plus, it feels really good. According to various studies, performing good deeds, volunteering or otherwise helping others reduces stress, increases longevity and provides a higher-quality life. In other words, if you can't bring yourself to help others for their sake, perhaps you'd do it for your own good health.

People sometimes talk about doing "good deeds" or donating to "charity." What does this mean?

While in the 21st century, "charity" has come to be interpreted as "financial assistance" or "donation," Mariam-Webster defines charity as, among other things, "benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity," "generosity and helpfulness especially toward the needy or suffering," and "aid given to those in need." Charity is, then, the act of helping others.

"Deed"is defined as "something that is done," "a usually illustrious act or action," and "the act of performing."

So how often do we really perform charitable deeds? Have you ever thought about it?

Our family volunteers in various ways. Sure, we hold doors open for people, but the girls and I also volunteered for nearly two years as docents at our local natural history museum. We've picked up trash throughout our neighborhood and on outings. Last year we enjoyed handing out roses to complete strangers throughout one random day - the reward for us was nothing more than smiles, sometimes hugs, and always thanks.

But as we picked up trash at a local pier recently, I wondered: do we do something charitable every day? Once a week? Less often? How difficult would it be to do at least one charitable deed every single day? How might it change us and our community if we kept a better eye out for opportunities to lend a hand?

In 2009, the girls and I intend to find out. We'll keep track of our deeds, however simple or involved, and keep you posted on the response, the feeling it gave us and any long-term changes we see as a result of our actions.

If you like the idea, have projects in mind for us or would like to spread the love, please feel free to share this blog with your friend, family, and, sure, even foes. Post your thoughts here or drop me a line.

Happy New Year!

The Flip Side

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OK, so yesterday I got the rant part out. Thanks to those of you who responded either posting here or e-mailing me directly. Having gotten that out of my system, and having received some positive feedback, I feel a lot better. Now let me tell you about the positive sides of our family gatherings this season.



I'll start with the most recent, the event that started the rant. We got together in Fresno with family members, many of whom we hadn't seen since last Christmas. There are 10 cousins to the eight adult children, plus one set of grandparents and a great uncle. The kids have all grown so much, and they'll all much more self regulated. It was, all in all, the most pleasant family gathering we've had in the past decade.

The 10 kids, 9 of whom are 10 or younger, played wonderfully well together. The host family kids shared their drum set and marimbas, piano and bongos, toys of all sorts and space. Sure, there was plenty of potty humor, but it was refreshing to hear one of the cousins, in previous years one of the biggest instigators of purely disgusting talk, ask the other kids who were involved to "please stop while we're at the table, at least!" Oh, sure, there were some snags, but they were minor, and the good hours certainly outweighed those random minutes.

Most of the adults had mellowed with age, too. Since the kids needed little interference from us, for the most part, we had time to talk, catch up, help out with the preparation and cleanup. The host sister treated her husband with more respect than any of us had ever seen - helping him out and, unlike former years, NOT harping on him until we were all just uncomfortable witnessing it all. I had a fantastic time playing a backgammon tournament with my little brother. We played a lot when we were kids, but, MAN, he was the BIGGEST cheater. That boy would cheat at just about ANYTHING. This weekend, when he broke out the board, I was up for the game. It was one neither of us had played in years. We had to read the instructions to refresh our memories. Then, throughout the game, we kept helping each other out. That's right. ..helping each other, often to our own detriment. Sure, we both wanted to win, but we've both learned that it's much more fun to win honestly.

Our holiday season also included a relaxed Christmas Day which began with our own little pajama-clad family opening presents and enjoying treats throughout the morning, followed by a visit from both my mom and her husband and dad and his wife. (That's right - my mom and dad, though divorced nearly four decades ago, can share a room, enjoy a visit. And that makes MY life much easier, much more enjoyable.) Having Mom and OtherDad here was a last-minute surprise. They had planned to go to Washington for the holiday, but had been snowed out. Instead, they put in the extra effort to drive a couple of hours up here, enjoy the afternoon and evening with us, then head back home. It was a more relaxed replay of our Thanksgiving weekend, though I was particularly thankful they made the trip since Mom and I had a falling out after Thanksgiving. I had been pretty certain she wouldn't want to see me again. It seems we've forigiven each other and that's the second-most important thing. (Not having the argument at all would have been most ideal.)

Our winter solstice party hit a snag when we arrived at our favorite bonfire beach only to discover no fires are allowed there Dec. - March. Port San Luis Harbor District removes the fire rings from the beach to keep them from vanishing in storm swells. And no fires are allowed without the heavy, metal rings, so... We were fortunate that it was a very nice evening out. In long sleeves and long pants our family and friends played football and freeze tag, gabbed, built a fort. When it was too cold to hang out anymore (well after sunset), some of us headed to Fat Cat's for dinner.

So, I may gripe, but I must confess the holiday season was largely a success.

The family that wasn't there.

So, I wonder why most bloggers blog. I'm sure there are some who use this service as a personal diary, others who use it to tout their political agenda and others to promote themselves or their businesses. But I believe a lot of us blog to help our friends and family keep up to date with some of the important happenings in our life. It's an easy way to share in this busy world - I post it when I have time, you read it (or just look at the pictures) if you have time.

So, when your friends, or especially your family, don't pay attention to your blog AT ALL what's the point?

I am grateful for the friends and family who DO show an interest in our lives. And I know our lives are just that...OURS. No one will ever be as interested in them than those of us immersed in them. But I take an interest in the goings on of my friends and loved ones. I believe I have some inkling of what they're up to. We keep in touch by phone, in real life (GASP! I KNOW!), by e-mail and sometimes throughour blog posts. I think that's just something you DO when you're interested in and care about a person.

So, maybe you can guess how I felt at a family gathering this weekend when it became very clear that more than a couple of family members not only never read the blog, but had no idea through ANY OTHER CHANNELS what we've been up to this year. Yep - it irked the hell out of me. (Of course, it didn't help that one of these relatives greeted my 8-year-old daughter with braces as, "Motormouth.")
"So. What have you been up to? Gone on any trips lately?"

WHAT?! Have we gone any TRIPS?!

Anyone who reads this blog or the auto-send e-mails it provides to subscribers know we were gone for TEN weeks, 9,611 miles, we posted more than 2,000 photos and countless words. And it's something that kinda comes up in discussion, you know, when a family member is on the road for so long or are on an otherwise "big adventure."

They know nothing about our lives. So, well, my immediate reaction was that they didn't really give a flyin' fart about us. I know...I know! People are busy with their own lives. They don't have time to spend on the computer. They have other more important things to do than read blogs. And I suppose that's part of the point. Other things, anything, is more important than keeping in touch. Then what's the point of gathering and pretending to be family? What IS family?

Go ahead. Blog about why you blog, how your family responds, what you believe a family is; or post it here...yep...right down there where it says "free thinkers." Click there. Post. I'd love to read your take.